This Saturday I have a funeral for a friend of mine from high school. I had fallen out of touch with her and recently semi reconnected via facebook. Wishing I had spent more time reconnecting. She was young (about 3 years younger than I) and had a husband I hear is wonderful and seems to be a sweetheart from what little I've seen. And a child. A little 4 year old boy. Trying not to cry, cuz I have classes.

Her death was a bit of a shock, but she always had Sickle Cell Anemia, so she had prepared for the idea of a sudden death possibilty. She wants us to celebrate her life and dress in bright colors. I understand this on some levels but on others I just can't fathom not breaking down into tears, and dressing conservatively in black. But I will honor her wishes with the color scheme and try to keep the tears to a minimum.

She was such a great person with such a good life. She will be missed.

just found out an old high school friend just died. Don't have any details. Facebook, connects people faster than you think.

Debating going home crying and sleeping, rather than going to class. My teacher would understand.

Trying hard not to take things personally. Trying hard not to get hurt by others actions, and hurt by my own actions or inaction. Trying. Trying to finish school, yet scared of what happens when I do. Full of tired, and cranky, which turns into poisonous negativity. I can't find the joy in life anymore. I can't even relax and have fun when out with friends becuase I hafta be the responsible one.

So tired of pulling and pushing others out of the holes they are stuck in, and not spending that effort on myself. I'm sinking, getting deeper everytime someone stands on my shoulders. Tired of peopel climbing on my shoulders trying to claw their ways out of their holes without my permission. Turning my back on you, gets me stepped on. Facing you means I hafta fight you off. Hiding in the corner, I melt away, and give you little foothold. However then I am in the corner hidden and alone.

Just tired. I need sleep. I need to finish school, get a job, and move from my mothers house. I need so much. Day by day I will get there, someday right? I hafta do it alone cuz no one else is stable enough to help me without hurting the process.

This sucks.

When you go to a party full of people older than you are, you have an expectation that they will behave in a certain manner. An expectation you wont have to hold someone's head as they vomit from the alcohol poisoning from the way too many drinks. An expectation that you wont need to battle with there friends and prove that said person really is NOT OK, and needs you to behave as a mommy until you are certain they will not pass out and possibly die. An expectation that they will understand the need to watch said person to make sure they don't fall and hurt themselves. AND a need to take away his drugs, cuz you are scared he will Over Dose. Even if it is "just a little pot, that might settle his stomach" NO! more depressants in his system can shut down his heart. NO! done now!

I fought, and fought hard, and won. But it pisses me off that I had to fight. I do not care how old you are, you lose the right to be treated like an adult when you become too inebriated to breathe!!!!!!!! Yes, he had to use his inhaler, becuase he wound up triggering his asthma.

BTW, don't get all hufy when I mention "liability". Whether or not you would ever sue the homeowners (your dear friends) is irrelevent, Your insurance WILL! Plus, the attorney who owns the home can be brought up before the BAR review board and get disbarred should you die from this, or litigation become intense.

So NO!, I will not chill out. I will not go away. I will stay and hold there head, and kick you if you bother me with anything other than "how can I help."

I finished one half semester class today. Finished early. Got an A. Go me! Ok yeah it was only business calculator, but still! 9 more courses to go. Only what 13 more weeks?

Ravens annoy me. Seeing them makes me feel like Odin is stalking me. Not that he is, just that he could be. I see them, I count them. I recall the counting crows rhymes http://7thcrow.com/crows.html

So when I saw a posting about white ravens I did a double take. Something about white ravens really speaks to me. I want one. Seriously want. Not that I will ever get one. So there are ravens in this world that do not annoy me on sight. Now I just need to go see one in person.

P.S. it's been so long I forgot how to embed links, hopefully the posted link will show up embedded

The whirlwind has begun. So much to do in very little time free time to accomplish it. I need staff for Staff Lounge, if you know anyone interested (norsebiker how bout your wife?). I need recipes and ideas. I still have some from last year (going to try to do the walnut, blue cheese, salad thingy Gareth).

I've decided to get creative. I want to name things so we have a fun pagan theme. Ideas so far are:

Wacky Wiccans Wilted spinach salad: Wilted spinach, saute'd mushrooms, hard boiled eggs, bacon bits...

Blessed Bee pasta salad: Shaped pasta, honey mustard vinegarette, assorted vegetables.

"Merry Meet melon melange": Assorted melons with chopped ...fresh mint and a light mint simple syrup.

"Freya's golden apples": Maybe a dessert, or a salad, not sure yet.

"Hera's hummus": Black olives and chickpea hummus.


If you can come up with names, or recipes I would love to hear them. I'm currently trying to think of a new name for "chinese chicken salad" based on myths or gods from that area. Or something to call the regular hummus?

I haven't posted in forever due to school, and FB being faster. I have checked in from time to time. So if I don't respond quickly, I still love ya.
Sheila

The kids were great. Much with the food. Much fun with the twins.
We had the twins, my sister, and her husband for breakfast/egg hunting/baskets. Then we sent them home at around 1 p.m.

Then we cleaned, and prepped for my other sister, her boyfriend, and the teenager who came at 4 p.m. for hors' d' ouvres, basket/egg hunting, and dinner. OMG I HATE my sister. HATE. Finally they left at around 7:30 p.m.

Now I just had another belgium waffle, and hot buttered syrup, strawberries, and whipped cream. mmmmmm sugar coma.

Wishing we had more champagne as the evil sister drank most of the bottle we had. GRRR.

All in all, Easter was OK. I refrained from killing my sister, and mom was surprised that I was mad cuz she couldn't tell I was. Usually my sister picks a fight, I end the fight, they leave in a huff, and mom screams at me for "ruining the holiday" because I won't take my sister's crap. Which my sister is why we had to have two seperate holiday meals in the first place!

We live on an overpopulated planet. We continually find ourselves on the verge of running out of resources. Species are dying off because of things the human race has done to the environment.

Species are dying off because of things the human race did not do to the planet, but nature did.

People are dying daily from sheer stupidity. People are dying daily from sheer ignorance. People are dying daily from listening to stupid, or ignorant people and believing in them. Those people are dying from gullibility.

People are dying daily from natural causes.

Everything dies eventually. Yes it may suck to think on, but thus is the nature of life.

I can not get myself worked up over the bigger picture. If some die in another country due to war, famine, plague, or natural disaster (death?) I just can't run around mad about the apocalypse.

The end always appears to be "nigh upon us", but when it does come nothing will stop it.

So, with life comes death.

I almost feel like the earth could use a few mass disasters. I'm sure I would die in the process should the world be decreased to a 10th it's population, but maybe that 10th could go on for a few thousand years without truly screwing up?

*things i think on as i read others rants against the world*'

p.s. Apparently there are "tent cities" cropping up around America due to the housing/financial/employment crisis. Everyone in my class seemed shocked and appalled by the concept. Like such a thing is new. Umm, we are WAY better off then the Great Depression. I just can not grok the mass hysteria. Things need improving, but panicking wont help that.

Ok I know that there are others far worse off then I am. To those go my sympathy and my prayers.
That being said, I'm sick. I not only have girly TMI, I have the stomach flu on top of it. I'm beginning to think the gods are sadists. :(

I've been chatting with a guy online. He wants to meet for coffee. Yes I know to take precautions. I have hopes that i will at the very least make a new friend. I have aspirations that it might become more than that, however I retain reservations because I have not physically met the guy.

So...... ya'll are warned. :)

so two tests down, a lot to go.

I have a list of school stuff to do over break. that list takes 2 entire pages in word, so yeah approximately 50 or so things. that doesn't include all the other stuff i need to do. :(

the twins are starting tiny tots on Thursday. they are only going one day a week. Oy this shall be interesting.

on the bright side..... I am doing better in Accounting. I am even thinking/hoping/praying I make it out with a B.

ok must go do more ledgering.

it is officially the first day of spring break. as of a little before midnight things have been bad. Maybe i should just hide under the covers and stay there.

can't do anything right, may as well go back to homework.

So Blondie took initiative, he sent out a message regarding staff lounge to every list he could think of. Sadly he did not tell me. I would have liked to know, maybe work on the phrasing, something.

So far the responses prove that people are in fact morons. Like we have never had bottled water before (we have always had bottled water!). Fresh Coffee, naw I nevah make it fresh! Or just randomly stupid stuff like that.

I still have hope (as I do every year) that we will get honest, helpful, useful feedback. Last year panned out well with two new recipes (my apologies that the walnut salad didn't happen).

So....... I'm tellin ya now as I will again and again, got an idea, a recipe, a something? Share it please.

the word of the day is hope.

I hope to pass my test.

I have hope I will pass Accounting 1 with at least a C.

I am hoping I will get lots of work done over Spring Break.

Should I get things in order, I will go to IMsL in SF. I will get a condom rose from a friend. I will meet several other friends. I might get a great deal on a bunny flogger *mmmmm flogger*.
And I will maybe go to the munch, and then the Citadel. Maybe, depending on IMsL, etc.

I'll maybe even stop and see T, if she is available. I miss T. But now more than ever I grok T's needing to hide from the world to study for the Barr exam.

So today, I will have hope.

Now off to work on the test more.

tired of feeling like the wicked witch of the west. Especially when I didn't do anything wrong. I can not be responsible for other people not listening to me.

tired of feeling extra stupid. i open my accounting book and am immediately lost. i've failed several tests now.

I want to be happy. I want to be loved. I want......

I can not rely on anyone else but myself to get what I want. i can rely on several people to bar the way to my getting what I want.

I'm too normal for some, too weird for others. Where is my "just right"?

approximately 50% of my essential programs are installed. This weekend I will install Office 2007, and my printer stuff, and such.

I seem to be handling this way too well. Of course I no longer have anything, including pictures, notes, homework, general stuff, etc. So if you have something cool you think I would want a copy of, OR you know I got a copy of something cool from you long ago, please feel free to share.

guessing I'm too busy to be stressed. Numb from con. Numb from school. Numb from life. Sad and grieving many many things. My computer is at the bottom of that list but the loss of some things make me sad.

Trying to see the roses through the thorns.

Ok the good news is..... My computer is up and running, Con was fairly good, my crew rocked!

The bad news is.... My computer crashed, I lost EVERYTHING. Issues between certain friends at con sucked, things must change.

The things people simply DO NOT comprehend....... I can't have hot food at con. Electrical issues make choosing between a toaster or a microwave AND hot water, ='s no toast. Pulling a car battery out to run a crock pot, is a BAD idea. A generator is only vaguely better.

Now I will be finally doing the homework that was due Tuesday, and the homework due Thursday morning. I will be emersing myself in school. I will start dealing with con crap in a few weeks.

I love everybody, but please don't contact me unless it is Uber important. Must get school back on track. :)

for the past few weeks I've been waking to a very painful foot. It appears that the muscles in my leg are cramping in odd ways which leads to my foot hurting like hell. I can't walk on it for hours after I wake.

I've tried stretching, it helps very little, but it helps. Mostly because I just don't know how to stretch the sciatic well (especially without extreme pain).

I've tried changing how I sleep. This works to a point. If I don't move around a lot, I'm fine when I wake. if I do move around a lot, I end up sleeping in the same screwed up position.

I've been taking advil when the pain is extreme. It helps a little.

I am whining because my foot hurts (and yeah the leg kinda hurts too). Imagine the calf muscles being shortened. Imagine charley horse spasms when you attempt to make it better.

It's times like these I miss giant needles being shoved into my sciatic nerve.

I can't seem to get people to grok this concept. I'm taking 15 units of school. I'm trying valiently to get all the stuff done for p-con. I still have 400 sausages, 50 pounds of beef, several packages of tortellini, and 2 cases of eggs to cook. granted the eggs can't be cooked until the day of, and the tortellini should be cooked the day before that. Still, that is a LOT of stuff.

I have a p-con meeting to go to. I have to see if people will respond to me in person since they don't deem to respond in other ways. I have to *yet again* relay the same frikkin info, because people can't seem to read a basic e-mail and understand it, nor can they take notes when I tell them in person.

I have to deal with family in between all of this.

so no, no I can't go play. no, you can't "kidnap me" to do something not related to the stuff already on my plate. I have no time! none!

what you can do is drive your happy little butts down to my corner of the world and help prep food, OR you can find out what the info is I've been repeating and repeat it for me when people go "what was that again"

What you can't do, you can't tell me what I need to get done. You can't try to reprioritize me. I know what needs doing. Either help me, or leave me alone.

once again, ya'll been warned.